i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
