i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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