So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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