i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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