woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
