That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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