Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
