whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
