So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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