so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
