Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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