u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My ass is underappreciated
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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