We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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