Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I believe in your delicious
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
