what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
