Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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