the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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