I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just gift wrapped bread.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry about my life...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
