Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
