What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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