My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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