They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
