Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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