Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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