yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
