Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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