also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
