just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
