I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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