Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
