so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
