It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
