If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
