It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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