Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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