I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
