I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm having to shit out rocks
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