Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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