Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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