i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
