Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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