just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
