i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
jump out the window naked night went bad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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