Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she woke up with a sticky ear
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me