you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants