i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...