He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving