He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
