you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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