Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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