I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no you cant smoke seaweed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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