And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
