Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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