You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
