Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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