32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
