I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
