Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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