and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
