I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize