Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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