There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
