My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
