I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh