I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.