am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.