Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.