I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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