I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
