Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
