My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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