I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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