His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
