No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
