Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
