xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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