Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
