Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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