Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
