they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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